Anatomical Terms

I can’t tell you how many different nicknames I've heard parents use for the genitalia of their children. These can span from the usual pee pee and wiener to the obscure like cupcake and front butt. Why do parents feel the need to create nicknames for these body parts? Some think it’s cute or don’t like the thought of hearing the words penis, vulva, or vagina coming out of the mouths of their babies, others are uncomfortable saying those words themselves.

I've heard some parents say that it is silly to use nicknames for the genitals because people don’t use nicknames for any other body parts, but that isn't necessarily true. I can think of many nicknames of other body parts: tummy, belly, piggies, just to name a few. So then, what is wrong with using nicknames for genitalia? Why is it so important to teach your child the proper terms?

1. Protection: A child who uses proper terms is seen as intelligent and articulate. This makes them less of a target to predators, because the child is more likely to tell on them and, not just tell on them, but can make it very clear exactly what took place. It’s no good to commit a crime when you have someone who can be a good witness against you.
2. Unashamed: When a child is taught the anatomical terms they are less likely to feel that these areas are to be ashamed of or that they are dirty. If they hear them only in hushed tones, it gives these names a forbidden feel as if they should never be discussed.
3. Investigation: If your child begins calling their genitalia something new, this will make you question where they heard it from. It could have been something quite simple like hearing it at school. Still, it could have been used by a new caregiver or something like that. In this case, you can inform them that you use anatomical terms and would like them to do so, as well. You can also take it as a small red flag. This doesn’t mean you automatically assume something is going on, but you can look more closely for any other signs.
4. Desensitization: Many adults are uncomfortable saying these terms and talking about sex. Teaching them to your child and constantly repeating them as they learn and, as most children do, become obsessed with naming all their body parts, you will get comfortable saying them. If you are uncomfortable or feel ashamed talking about it, your child will, too. This will make it easier to know how to talk to your child about sex, sexual abuse, puberty…basically anything that has to do with that area of the body in age appropriate ways and it will help them to feel more at ease to ask you questions and talk to you about these subjects, as well.

I’ve heard some parents say that they teach their child “private parts” or something like it that lets the child know that that area is theirs alone and also aids in clear communication should something happen, but this leaves out many of the most important parts, namely desensitizing you to the discomfort that comes in talking about these subjects.

What about using “private parts” until they are a little older, then I can teach them the anatomical terms? I respond to that with “Why wait? When is later?” Again, this usually is more about comfort than anything. Why wait just because you are uncomfortable with the terms? How old does your child need to be for you to be comfortable with them saying them? With 10% of victims being under 4 and nearly 30% between the ages of 4-7 [1], is there such a thing as too young?

What about in public? I think we all have heard hilarious stories of a child bursting out saying something like, “look at that penis” when a he sees a nude statue, or “my vulva itches” while in the grocery line. Yes, it is embarrassing, but really it’s not any less embarrassing if they replace it with wiener or pee pee. Also, while 90% of sexual assault is committed by someone familiar to the victim, there is still 10% that are strangers [1]. If those strangers were to hear your child say that, it would make them less of a target.

Should they know both, girl and boy, parts? This is entirely up to the parent. I think it is beneficial for them to know the names of both so that they can better communicate and makes them look more knowledgeable.

In the end, this is just one of a multitude of ways to prevent child sexual abuse and so it is your choice on what you teach your child. Still, I hope that most are like me that will do anything to protect their child while promoting healthy independence even if that means stepping out of their comfort zone a bit.

1. American Psychological Association. (2013). Child sexual abuse: What parents should know. Retrieved (2/23/2013) from http://www.apa.org/pi/families/resources/child-sexual-abuse.aspx

Welcome!

When I was 6 years old I was molested by my then-stepdad. After many months, my aunt became suspicious and asked me if anything was going on. He had made many threats, but I was always an honest child and could not lie, so I told her what was happening. He had had many victims before me, but it ended with me. He was given the maximum sentence, which at the time was 16 years. I grew up and found healing in Jesus, as well as, speaking about my abuse and trying to help those who were in the beginning stages of their healing.

Then last year, someone that I loved and respected, was arrested and convicted of a sex crime. I was shocked and hurt. I could not understand how it could have happened. Then I began to see things in a new light and began to see ways that it could have been prevented. This began a passion in me to educate parents, children, and the public, in general, how we might be able to protect ourselves and children from becoming victims. I also want to take it a step further and say that it is also an attempt to prevent them from becoming abusers, too.

That is the focus here. I want to discover ways to prevent sex crime on both sides. It is a daunting task and has many facets to it, but with the help of those with this same passion, we can begin the change!